We're on a boat! (A Wild Things RP)

[kylewilliams]

The sound of a gentle breeze rustling sails, small waves lapping against the side of a sailboat, the only somewhat annoying squawk of seagulls. It’s not a hot day but it’s sunny and pleasantly warm out on Lake Ontario as Amelia Winston stands at the stern of the boat, hands on the rail as she looks out over the relatively calm waters, clad in an orange life jacket, sunglasses and a black bikini, before looking back over her shoulder.

Amelia: “See, isn’t this nice? Told you it’d be good to give you a chance to get used to being out on the lake before our next match. You doing alright?”

Kyle Williams stumbles into view visibly distressed at his lack of solid ground. Every slight movement of the boat sends him off-balance and he has spent the majority of the trip apologising to strangers for bumping into them. Foregoing the normal lifejacket, Kyle has instead opted for yellow water wings on each arm and an inflatable duck ring round his waist.

Kyle: I lost my Captain hat!

Kyle almost immediately stumbles off towards portside as the boat hits a wave before carefully treading back to Amelia. No-one else seems to be having nearly as much trouble.

Kyle: I’m just not used to this is all, we don’t really have many lakes in England, just bigger than average moats. We call them fluid doughnuts. What the hell was Danny thinking this week? I’m going to look stupid out there and I will not be made a fool of!

Kyle readjusts his bright yellow arm bands.

Amelia: “Don’t you guys have - no, wait, the lochs are Scotland, my bad. Anyway, don’t worry about what Danny’s thinking, that way lies madness and probably enough cocaine to kill a bull elephant.”

On that mention of stimulant dependence, she reaches down into a cooler, pulling out a can of MegaSpark Lychee Lime Libation, cracking it open and taking a long sip.

Amelia: “Ahh. Anyway, I’m more focused on our match. And our opponents. Especially that crapbag CruZe.”

A momentary pause as she looks back out to the water before she turns back to Kyle with a little smirk.

Amelia: “Hey, how well do you think he can swim with those crazy metal legs?”

A wide grin appears on Kyle’s face.

Kyle: I like the way your mind works Miss Wildheart. Can’t believe that ragtag band of misfits managed to get one over on us last week. And Max cashed in the moonstone to become the new Wrestleverse Champion! That little nerds club is picking up some momentum. At least it means he can’t cash in on me and be your new tag partner now though.

Kyle manages to avoid the puzzled glare Amelia is giving him.

Kyle: From now on all our problems should just be thrown in the lake. Anyone in our way? In the lake with them. Crippling anxiety and habit of asking too many questions without waiting for answers? Straight in the deep. Let’s throw Axis and his horse in as well. Wait do horses float? Does he wrestle on the horse now? Should we get a pet too? What if the horse is Bonnie’s partner?

Amelia takes a long sip of her drink to stifle an exasperated sigh.

Amelia: “Alright, we’ve got a few things to unpack there. First things first, I’m not throwing a horse in the lake. They’re far too heavy for me to suplex and I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of abuse. And I like horsies. Axis, definitely in the lake. Max too, the whole XBI can go dunk themselves. As far as the next challengers for our titles… all I know is that if a naked lady tries to give me a hurricanrana I’m halfway sure that’s a sex crime. On the Bonnie subject, what was your big idea for a stipulation for our title match? Assuming whoever she partners with is human. Or maybe that weird kangaroo, that seems right up her alley. At least it’s not naked.”

Kyle has taken to pacing up and down the boat the best he can whilst still remaining wobbly, he is deep in rhetorical conversation.

Kyle: If we get a pet it has to be something better. What type is horse? Ground? So we need like a flying or bug one, they're super effective against ground. How easy do you think it would be to tame a wasp or attach a helium balloon to a tarantula?

Kyle notices Amelia glaring at him.

Kyle: Right yeah sorry. The tag thing. Okay so full disclosure I got a bit disorientated and thought we were walking towards the parking lot. Someone handed me a mic and I just sort of panicked. But that’s fine, we can easily come up with a good match. We’ve been here from the start so we have a pretty good indication of how Wrestleverse operates by now.

He starts looking around him.

Kyle: We could take them on in a water…boat…match…



Amelia: “Hold on, I’m still dealing with flying tarantulas.”

A full body shudder and more caffeine later, she continues.

Amelia: “Okay, I’m good. Let’s put a pin in more matches on the water until you’re balancing a little better. Plus she might call in an octopus for a partner and I’ve been on the internet enough to know I want nothing to do with octopi and naked women together.”

It’s Amelia’s turn to avoid a puzzled look from her partner.

Amelia: “Trust me, don’t google it. Anyway, she’s taller than us, maybe something that uses that to our advantage? Like… I dunno, a cage with a ceiling that’s only five and a half feet tall? Oh, but then I can’t really fly very well. What about a match in a ring full of snow or something? I’m Canadian so that’s like home field advantage for me, plus she’d probably need to wear clothes to not get frostbite or hypothermia and she wouldn’t be used to fighting that way so increased advantage for us. And it’s weird. Danny loves weird.”

Kyle’s eyes widen and his mouth falls agape for a moment before a bit of sea spray hits him causing him to gag. He tried to play it off as if nothing happened.

Kyle: That’s a fantastic idea! So long as I layer up a bit I'll be fine! Okay, that’s definitely something to think about. We could have like a ‘break the ice’ match where we can just hit each other with ice cubes, sheets of ice and there's like ice sculptures and ice weapons everywhere! Like a big sheet of ice on legs instead of a table! Ooo you could use ice shavings and throw it in the eyes! And I could bring hot chocolate! Y’know, for after, because cold.



Amelia: “Y’know… I don’t hate it. Cold Blooded Combat.

Kyle smiles to himself and takes in the views, managing a short reflective moment where he’s not worried about falling over.

Kyle: Hey, so you know how Wrestleverse is basically getting crazier by the week? I know most of the time we seem to add to that but we have Roo’s and androids and naked people and time travelers and I think Axis might be a centaur. Do you ever worry about what could be coming down the line? Like we could be opening up a whole can of worms by being here. Aliens hell bent on enslaving us, something straight out of a horror film like vampires or werewolves or Tom Cruise. Maybe even demons. Do you like regret being here? Like do you fear for your own safety? I want to wrestle and being Parallel champion with you is great, but there’s this horrible feeling of dread looming over me I can’t seem to shake.



Amelia: “I mean, I don’t think we’ve seen anything as creepy as Tom Cruise yet, to be fair.”

She sips her drink and shrugs.

Amelia: “As far as the rest, all I know is if it gets in a wrestling ring with me I’m gonna kick it’s ass. Even if it doesn’t have an ass. Even if it’s a bare ass. Even if the ass is connected to robotic legs. Even if it’s a horse’s ass. Either I’m too dumb to be scared or I’m too good, but either way I’m not. Besides… I don’t care what mythical beasts anyone might send, they ain’t beating the Wild Things, am I right?!”

It looks like someone’s switched on a lightbulb in Kyle’s brain. His look of fear slowly fades into one of hope and determination.

Kyle: No you’re right! Fuck whatever this place throws at us! We’re the damn Wild Things! We conquered the desks! We…threw that homeless guy off a cliff? Ain’t no way I’m letting go of this title any time soon. We will be the best, the longest reigning and the only damn Parallel champions in this place. And if CruZe and Axis need an example of why were the best tag team in this joint then there gunna get it. And when we’re through with them, it’s on to Bonnie and wherever sorry opponent she can dig out from under a rock. Cos if they’re stupid enough to take on us? Then they clearly haven’t seen us in action.



Amelia: “You’re goddamn right! CruZe and Axis can’t hang with us! Bonnie Derryberry can’t bang with us! No match can throw us, no stipulation can slow us! We’re the Parallel Champions of the world! Let’s go show XBI that they can hold the singles belts, they can win matches in space, they can get weird robolegs but we’ll still make ‘em walk the damn plank! We’ll be calling the XBI the Edmund Fitzgerald by the time we’re done!”

Amelia looks back to Kyle.

Amelia: “It was a big ship, sunk on the Great Lakes in a fall storm. Gordon Lightfoot made a really great song about it. Point is, we’re gonna kick their asses!”

Kyle looks over the top offended.

Kyle: Yeah yeah I know all about Ella Fitzgerald I’m not a complete imbecile. But you’re right, we’re the champs. I’m fed up of being treated like a damn afterthought. We won these belts, paid for them with our blood, sweat and blood. We’re too tough to cry.

Kyle starts getting annoyed and starts to pace up and down the boat again the best he can, it's mostly falling into other people.

Kyle: You and I are consistently in the main event, we helped build up this company from scratch by being the hardest working, most reliable and talented damn wrestlers the world has ever seen. We are the Wild Things and next Eternal we will once again show everyone in this place that if you wanna get to the top of the mountain, you gotta go through us!



Amelia: “Goddamn right! Trim the sails! Hoist the jolly roger! Let’s go wreck those sons of bitches!”

Amelia and Kyle share an aggressive high five as we fade to black.